Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
