Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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