Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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