Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
