I cut my penus on the lid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
