doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
