you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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