i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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