So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In other news, I just burned my penis
3 2 1 whiskey
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
