Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
