Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
