the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
