I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
