I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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