I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
