I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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