Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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