My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
