my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
