we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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