I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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