Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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