apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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