Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
