I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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