you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
