Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
