Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
