I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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