Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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