How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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