dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
