So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
