dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
