Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
