You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
