So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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