Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
