I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
