you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
