I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Less talking, more tequila
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
