I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
