There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
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I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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