Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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