you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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