smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
