So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
