there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
