I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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