Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
