There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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