Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
