Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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