the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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