yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
