We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
