Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
wow bdsm is so cute
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
