When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize