Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
