either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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