I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
