My hand turned me down
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
