After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
