in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
