Dual....:-)
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
