dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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