She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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