i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize