My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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